Today...

...is an incredibly long day. it's most insufferable. *sigh*

overthisday.com

tweaking...

...sometimes you have to do some...albeit unwillingly.

the vision board has been moved into the bedroom. last and first thing i see.

the calendar on the berry is back in use -- clearly, planning for things like exercise is the way to go. duh.

the need for committement and discipline are forefront in my mind.

the drive for 'a different way' is propelling me forward.

all of this combined with my quest to secure my future.

good monday morning...*sigh*...

Mobile Random...

For some reason I thought drinking hot chocolate before bed was a good idea. After 2 glasses of pinot noir. Thus, my being up @ 4 a.m.

Mobile Random

So. Today, I was going to fast. I *was* fasting. Until about an hour ago. #FML

Do You...?

~ Wonder about the future and what it may hold? (wonder, not worry!)

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~ Wish you could borrow someone's cute kid for a day or two...just long enough to spoil them, shower them with kisses, and, then give them back when they start "ackin" up?

---

~ Express your love, on the regular, to those people who hold a special place in your heart ?

---

~ Live each day as if it were your last?

---

~ Laugh really hearty about something every day?

---

~ Sleep well every night knowing that you gave your all?

---

Just wondering...if you do...

A Coin-ki-dinky...????

[originally posted 7/3/06 on my other blog]

I rec'd this via email from one of my girlz...what a coincedence, right?? 

Sorry, fellahz...I had to share this one with the Ladies of Xanga...

LMBAO!!!

CAPTION:  "What Women Want..."

rejection...

...is supposed to be God's protection, right?

i have to believe that He is working this thing out for my good. that's not even a question. it's not. it just that at moments like this...the human part of me wonders...

ahhh. i can't even write this right now.

time to begin...again.

it's monday morning. i am in danger of being late. i'm always in danger of being late, though...so, what's new? at least today i have a good reason. i'm up doing family reunion stuff.

monday. the beginning of the week. we take mondays for granted. some people even loathe mondays. i used to. but, that's because i despised what i was doing monday - friday. that's no longer the case, so, i actually look forward to mondays...and the new beginning that they provide.

a new beginning is what i need. another one, that is.

my labwork came back last week. ungood. truly. i am not taking care of my body appropriately and that must change. my spring/summer showed me that i am capable of being BETTER. eating better. exercising better. being mobile better. i just need to begin. again. so, today...on monday...i shall.

thanking God for granting the time...to begin...again.

Top 5 Dumb Things Niggaz Think . . .

[originally posted 5/6/06 on my other blog]

Dropping a few random thotz...some situations that I've observed recently...some mine, some not...doesn't really matter...(and, don't shoot me for using the 'n' word...I'm taking poetic license, darnit!) 

So...lemme know your thotz...or not...doesn't really matter 2 me since this is MY WORLD and...yep, you got it....

Latah...

********************************

Top 5 Dumb Things Niggaz Think (That They Shouldn't):

#5     that because you show them respect, as a person and a man, when you're with them, that they're the only one you're showing respect to.   

#4     that because don't choose to waste your time dating lotz of dudes (aimlessly), you're tryna date him exclusively.

#3     that because you want to talk to them/spend time with them, your world will stop spinning if it doesn't happen.

#2     that because you're nice, smile a lot and laugh at their jokes, you're in love. 

#1      and...the number one dumbazz thing niggaz think...that because they give you some good dick, you're gonna be down for the okeydoke.<> GreenMile wrote the following in my Comment section and refuses to post it on his own blog, like I suggested...so here it is...the 'counters'...

QUOTE:

hmmm interesting...
5 dumb things BROADS thing (that they shouldnt)
5. Just cuzz you are attractive/nice body dudes should bend over backwards for you
4. just cuzz we respect you and are nice to you we want to holla
3. Just cuzz we talk every day or spend constant time that you are the ONLY one
2. Every dude is out to run some type of game on you
1. that sex is a way to keep a guy around
 had to be the devils advocate

<>

FRIENDS...

[originally posted 8.29.06 on my other blog]
Xanga...watz up witcha? I know itz been an insane amount of time since last I posted. The funny thing is...I don't even have a good reason for not doing so. My spirit jez wasn't moving me to do so, I guess. At any rate, I had a thought that I'd like to share.

I'm sick of the word 'FRIEND'.

There I said it.

I almost feel a little better now. Almost but not quite.

This word is the most OVERWORKED word in the English language. Yeah...yeah, it is...cuz I said so.

The following are just a few reasons why I hate the word:
1. It carries multiple meanings & connotations which rarely will be interpreted the same way by any 2 people.
2. It is used incorrectly & 'loosely' by people who have no other word to describe their human interactions.
3. In the dating arena it has become a 'catch-all' term describing any variety of engagement w/the opposite sex. (Yep, from "...girl, you know you like a play cuzin..." to "...girl, you need to quit playin' and gimme some, cuz I'm..."! Right.)
4. Its overuse in our society causes people to be misled, feel betrayed, misunderstood, etc. because people have expectations of their FRIENDS. So, when those expectations are left unfulfilled, folks often do what? *LOSE* FRIENDSHIP. (Now, I wanna know how you lose something like a friendship? I mean, it's not a pair of socks...so WTH???!!!)
5. The fifth, and singlemost reason I hate this word is because eeeeeeevvvvrrrybody wants one -- but, they don't always wanna be one.

I don't mean to come back to the Xanga family sounding bitter. But then again...do I really care how I sound? Hmmnn...not so much.

To those folks that I call Friend, know that I love you with all that I am...and, then some -- cuz sometimes that might not be enough...

Latah...

Going Back...

so. it seems that at some point in all ended relationships, people try to go back. and, you can't. ever. go back.

trust me, i've tried!

it usually happens when i feel bad for too dismissive of the opposite sex. like, in dating situations. something will be said or done and i'm suddenly like, "oh. no. this isn't a good look."  friends of mine have Like, within an unusually short period of time I can discern whether or not someone is going to get on my everlasting nervE. And, while I may continue the dialogue for a period of time...when it ends -- and, it does end -- it usually for the very same reason that I identified in the beginning.

A New Journey?

So...I firmly believe in trying new things. Sometimes. If the risk is not too great. LOL!

Yesterday, I 'twisted' my hair for the first time. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't love it. I don't hate it. Today, I will twist it out and see what that looks like. It's funny how HAIR is such a THING. But, more on that another day. 

Take a look... 

http://picasaweb.google.com/str8lovanochasa/MyHair?authkey=Gv1sRgCMSpldXVzZeaJg&feat=directlink

Summer 2009...

...seems to have been plagued by death.

and, today...patrick swayze. but, it's not summer anymore.

i don't question God. it hurts though. and, i cried.

Everyone Can't be in your front row...

Everyone Can't be in your front row...

Author: Unknown

Life is a theater so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives.

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family!

Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are just going downhill?

When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

The more you seek quality, the more you seek things honorable, the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around!

Choose wisely the people who sit in the FRONT ROW of your life.

Remember that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those who sit in your FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully.

Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

praying...

twitter is being lit up locally. folks sending out prayer requests for a young man named @hexmurda. i don't know him personally. but, i don't have to...he's a black man. a huband. a father. so, i'm praying.

facebook...

...is for suckers.

i reconnected with someone that...*sigh*...i've always 
wanted to reconnect with.
but, now? i can't stop thinking about them and...it's 
not a good look.
boooooooooooooo to facebook.

he said, she said...

he said: so, i got your email. you're an emotional rollercoaster. where did all of that come from?

she said: wow. really? i tell you ALL of that...all of the things that i am feeling and you say THAT? *sigh*

he said: yeah. because you're mad and now all of this stuff is coming up. stuff that we've already discussed.

she said: yeah...well, shame on me for not addressing these things with you previously. my bad. they still exist.

he said: i mean, your email was really long. it was like a dear john? i don't even understand what you're saying...



she said: it wasn't a dear john...we'd have to have a relationship for it to be a dear john.

he said: you know what i meant. tell me what the issue is?

she said: omg. basically? that keeping my guard up and acting like i don't care is frustrating and exhaustive.

he said: then don't. why don't you let your guard down? it's not that hard...

she said: are you kidding me? you can't possibly think the guard goes down just b/c you say it does...?

he said: yes, it does. just do it. I trust YOU...

she said: you trust me with WHAT?

he said: aggggggggh. you are so emotional. too damn sensitive.



she said: so...let me ask you this...are we dating or hanging out?

he said: hanging out.

she said: ok. thanks. just so you know, you have previously referred to it as dating...< >...

he said: oh.

she said: yeah...but, it's cool. i get it.

he said: get what? i like you. we have fun. why does it matter what the title is?

she said: the title doesn't matter -- but the behavior needs to match the intent.

he said: why? what changes when you're dating vs. hanging out?



she said: listen. hanging out is done with boys or girls. dating, for me, is done with boys. it's laced with romance.

he said: well, for me, dating includes planning for my future...so, i've never dated. not even with my past gfs.

she said: ok. got it.



he said: why does anything have to change? now that you're so ''clear''? i want to keep seeing you.

she said: yeah, well -- top billing goes to those i'm dating. i don't need to see my friends every day & every weekend.

he said: wow.

she said: yeah, i think this has been a huge miscommunication -- perhaps, i wasn't clear initially and for that? i apologize...cuz, like nene from rh of atl -- i'm good on friends! 

A Thursday Thought..

Do you measure the level of attraction that someone has to you by the amount of physical contact they attempt to have with you? (i.e., Ladies, if a dude doesn't try to kiss/hug/touch you in some manner, do you think he's less attracted/interested? And, Fellahs, if a girl doesn't accept your advances freely, do you think she's uninterested in you? Obviously, these two can be flipped -- since females are the agressor many times these days...)

Have you ever found yourself in a dating situation where "everything was everything'', but the amount of physical contact was somehow different (or less) that what you were accustomed to? If so, what did you do? Was it a deal-breaker? Did you allow your friends to weigh-in on the matter?

Inquiring minds want to know...lemme me hear from you...

hump day...

ok.
so, yesterday was day 8 of unemployment and it was quite honestly? the first not-so-good day.

but, today...was GREAT! i was uber productive in getting my home-office organized and to top it all off, allowed that guy to take me to dinner. which was just ''okay'', because soul-food restaurants, like hairdressers, get too comfortable and slack off with the quality of the food...but, more on that later. we had a ball. and, i'm just getting in. yeah...1:21 a.m. on a school night! how lovely is that? no judgements please...the key is that i got in...*wink, wink*.

tonight was the first night on this second tour of duty that i allowed myself to just be in the moment. i did not feel the internal pressure to do anything but eat dinner and enjoy the company i was in. while it probably looked no different, it felt different. but, isn't that the theme of the day? i swear...everything about him, this...is different. and, i like it. some of it terrifies me, but in general, i like it. there are some subtle changes...which lead me to believe the person that told me that the more open i am, the more open he will be. interesting.

there's so much i could say...but, i will simply say "Thanks" to my bestie, Jesus...He knows what He did and maybe one day I'll tell yall!

*off to dreamland...still enjoying the moment*

random ish...

so much has happened in the last few years. so much and yet...nothing. lol...how can that be? i don't get that. but, that's how i feel. i'on know xanga...you might get an update, and ya' might not...cuz right about now? it's the randomness that is spillllllllllllling forth...
it was one week ago today that i "lost" my job. "  " because i swear i gained something. i mean...they suck and i really am not mad about being included in the group that got 'walked out'. i do somehow wish i could meet a few folks in a dark alley -- and watch them get dey azzes beat -- but...by and large (where did that saying come from?), i am very-much-okay with the change. obviously, it's nice to have a plan b in effect and not be blind-sided...BUT...my stress level decreased the very same day that i was told. and, i've not shed one tear over it. eff em.
he's funny. he's cute. i like him. i hate him. dammit. xanga...the story behind this one is unbelievable.  why i can't have simple, fairy-tale type ish kills me. one problem is that i think too much. that's what the people say. well...i say eff the people. lmao. seriously, though...some days i think i must be a dayum fool to continue down this ambiguous path...but, isn't that who i am? miss ambiguity? isn't it my picture that's displayed next to this A-word in the dictionary? argh.
it's finally warm in michigan. yay! i swear i was going to cry if the wind hadn't changed soon! another summer and i still am not at my janetjacksonfightingweight. ugh. hated it.
i hate when people always have a similar situation. always. you can be describing one of the most unique, special to you type experiences and THEY will have one that is the same exact thing...or more exciting. wtf? i have a friend that does that. makes me crazy.
i have more...but, my eyelids don't want me to share it all right now.
i'll holllllllllla...